


15x03 Coda

by xxenjoy



Series: Codas [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x03, Canon verse, Coda, Gen, S15 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 11:34:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21207854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy





	15x03 Coda

The first night, he drinks. It's a bad habit he learned from Dean and it has more of an effect on him than it should which just upsets him more. So he drinks more. It's ineffective; it never helped Dean and it's not helping him now. If anything, it's making him think _more_ about the things he shouldn't be. Thinking makes him feel worse, feeling bad makes him drink, drinking makes him think more. It's a vicious cycle, he can understand how so many humans get stuck in it. 

Cas heaves himself up and shrugs out of his coat, hanging it over the back of the chair. It's too warm now and he doesn't like that. Too warm means too human. The closer he gets, the more he drifts from the Winchesters. It would be ironic if he was ever more to them than a too, a means to an end. 

He rubs his hands over his face and sighs. He's lost everything. The angels have been dwindling for years and the few who remain want nothing to do with him. All his friends are gone. His son - Jack - has been taken from him twice now and Sam and Dean - well, he can't imagine having much contact with Sam now. That goes for anyone else, too; Cas is alone in a way he hasn't been since the Empty. He huffs a bitter laugh. At least he doesn't have to worry about that again any time soon.

\- - - - -

Dean's in his room when Sam finds him. He's hammered and didn't bother to move after falling off the bed, so he's sort of propped up against it. He can't summon the energy to move. _Welcome to the end_, Chuck had said and it's starting to feel like it. They're losing people left, right and centre; Mom, Jack, Kevin - again, Rowena, Ketch. Now Cas.

After his big speech today about carrying on and _this is what we do_, he doesn't even know how he's going to get up in the morning. And maybe Sam won't make him - he's suffering too. Dean doesn't say anything as his brother approaches and it doesn't take much to tell that Sam's not up for a fight. He is, however, sober and Dean is not. Dean tucks the bottle under the edge of the bed, out of sight.

"Have you seen Cas?" 

The words tear through him like a bullet and Dean rethinks putting the whiskey away. "He's gone," he mumbles. 

"What? Gone where?"

Dean shrugs. "Dunno. Don't care. He doesn't wanna be here, good riddance." 

Sam is silent for a moment and Dean doesn't dare look at him because he knows whatever Sam's contemplating, he thinks Dean's at fault. Maybe he is, maybe every goddamn thing is just his fault. 

"Are you okay?" Sam says at last. 

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Sam scoffs and stops short of sitting down on the bed. He's getting ready to leave and Dean just wants him to hurry up and go. "Because he's your- he's our friend, Dean." 

Dean doesn't respond. He doesn't miss the way Sam looks at him, the badly-corrected _your_. Sam thinks he sent Cas away. It wouldn't be the first time and it wouldn't be an overly far-fetched assumption. Maybe part of him did, in a way. Maybe he pushed too hard. Maybe he did it on purpose. Cas was right, Dean can't even look at him right now and how would having him around all the time help that? They don't need him anyway, they got along fine for years without him. 

At some point, while Dean is working through his thoughts, Sam leaves. It isn't until Dean looks up again to ask him why he cares so much anyway, that he realizes his brother is gone. Fine, he thinks, but the empty ache inside squeezes a little tighter. Sam isn't gone far, at least. Sam will be back, he can't speak for Cas. 

He sits alone in the darkness, polishing off the rest of the bottle before eventually passing into an uneasy sleep. When he awakes the pain and the emptiness remain, but at least the pounding in his head is enough to distract him from them for the time being. They'll move forward, they always do - Cas or no Cas.


End file.
